Wanting to Give Up
Feeling like I’m not going anywhere fast.
I feel like I’m going nowhere fast.
I know I’m being a bit melodramatic about my progress, but it’s really hard to stay motivated when it feels like setback after setback is happening.
Last week, I got sick because I was burning the candle at both ends and a few places in between.
This week, my arm’s in a sling. That’s right folks, someone pulled a muscle in her shoulder during obstacle training a month ago and didn’t let it heal before pulling heavy pallets and doing more obstacle training.
Two weeks. No warped wall, no weight lifting, no rope climb.
That last one’s a bit of a joke anyway. I literally hang on the bottom of the rope and flail around for a minute or two before letting one of the people who can actually climb the rope have it.
That’s really what’s got me feeling like giving up. I watch my friends every week get better, go further, and climb higher and I’m still stuck at the bottom of the rope. Or falling off the wall at the same spot. Or not really making it passed the second ring (which is where I’m fairly certain I pulled the muscle).
Not really progressing.
I know I should focus on the fact I can do the balance obstacles fairly well or the fact that I make it up the warped wall at least once a class (although I did hit it hard last week and made a stupid mistake and turned during my fall. Thank god for my instructor catching my dumb butt).
But it bothers me when I give my all and try to do stuff to better my training and I don’t move forward.
It sucks. It sucks hard to be behind people who started after you. To be the one that can’t do it when everyone else in the group succeeds.
I’m not giving up, as much as I want to. Old me would have done it weeks ago. New me is signing up for next month’s classes and going back to the drawing board on how to get better.
Because, damn it, I hate failing.
Weekly Goals
Write 7K words: Success. Welcome to NaNoWriMo.
Read one book: Failure. My current read is a super thick book.
Go to class: Failure.
Go to the gym twice: Success. even with my arm in a sling. Even though I didn’t realize how much stuff requires the use of your arms.
Sew ten dice bags: Success.
