The Girl I Didn’t Know I Wanted to Be
Realizing how far I’ve come.
When I started this journey, I wanted the easy way out. The fast way. I didn’t care about getting healthy, all I cared about was not being the fat friend any more. I didn’t want to be uncomfortable, so I did the bare minimum.
Cut back on soda, not cutting it out entirely, but enough that I “was trying.”
Eating salads for lunch, even though there was enough salad dressing on them that the calories were the same or more than what I had been eating.
Going to the gym, but never lifting heavy or running on the treadmill.
The standard tries without making myself really dig deep into changing anything.
Cheat days were epic. Counting calories was right out.
Somewhere after my first ten pounds, something started shifting. My pants were a bit looser. I couldn’t see the changes yet, but my mind started the switch.
Part of that can be attributed to signing up for my first Tough Mudder and not wanting to be the weak link on my team.
Part of it was setting goals to how I wanted to look and feel. And sticking to (and restarting) my plans on how to achieve them.
And somewhere along the way, I started craving the challenge.
5K Tough Mudder, nah, let’s do a Classic. While we’re at it, let’s sign up for a 5K Spartan. And let’s PR our next 5K even though we don’t like running.
Hell, let’s tell our older sister (you know, the runner) that we want to do a half marathon with her.
Did I mention I don’t really like running? Because I don’t.
And yet, I hop on my treadmill after being on my feet for eight hours at work to grind out a (slow) mile or more three to four days a week.
I lift heavier and push myself harder than I ever did when I had tons of weight to lose. I wake up early to grind out my morning routine which includes a light workout.
I won’t say it’s all sunshine and roses. Sometimes the old me pops her head in when I’m at my weakest and I have to pick myself up again.
But I think I like who I’m becoming, even if I didn’t know I wanted to become her when I started.
