Little Sister Syndrome
Growing up not feeling good enough and the source of inspiration to do better.
I’m the youngest of two. This wouldn’t be so bad if my older sister wasn’t that girl. You know the one.
Smart. Pretty. Popular. Athletic.
Basically everything I wasn’t. I was more comfortable in the library than on the court. I got my glasses young and almost always had my nose in a book (just not my school books). I rarely studied and didn’t care that I didn’t make straight A’s.
How the two of us could be polar opposites growing up in the same tiny town with the same parents and most of the same teachers stumps us to this day.
Our parents were very good about not comparing us or telling me to be more like her. But I could feel the judgment when report cards came out.
School was a different story. The teachers expected me to be a carbon copy of my sister. They assumed I would be the center of the talking in class and that I would uphold the fine family tradition of amazing grades. Part of this is because we had two cousins that were star students before us.
I always felt pressure to perform to the level of my sister and cousins and I rebelled against it. I developed terrible study habits I regret to this day. The only time I had a reprieve is when we’d get a new teacher, which happened only a couple of times.
I was always called her little sister, never just Dawn. To this day, I’m still introduced as her little sister even though I’m taller. People from our hometown remember her, so I have to tell them I’m her little sister.
She’s still that girl. She still excels at whatever she sets her mind to. Master’s degree? Oh, she totally got that while working full time and being a single parent.
As an adult, I no longer want to rebel against the example she sets. I want to live up to the potential I denied as a child. She’s an inspiration now that we live half a country away from each other (just don’t tell her, she’ll get a big head) and left that tiny town behind us.
The problem I need to figure out is how to undo all of the lazy habits I instilled in myself as a child to push myself out of my rut and into the life I want. I’m still figuring that one out. I didn’t screw this life up in one day, so I’m not worried if it takes me some time to straighten it out.
Weekly Goals
Write 7K words: Failure. I buckled down and finished the dice bag order so I could get it out the door.
Read one book: Success. I read Violent Delights by Linnea May.
Go to the gym twice: Success. Couch to 5K isn’t getting any easier.
Go to class: Success. I even trained with someone in class I never had before.
Sew ten dice bags: Epic success. I finished the order.
