Falling Back in Love with Martial Arts
Finding my way back from almost quitting.
It’s no big secret that I’ve taken huge breaks in my martial arts training. Most of the time, it’s because my teacher stopped teaching and I’ve had to search out a new one. Those breaks always made me antsy, especially because I’m actively losing training lessons the longer I’m out.
Covid forced yet another training break in my path because obviously my teacher wasn’t holding class. It did allow me to take a good look at the trajectory of my training and hold an honest conversation with myself of what I wanted and needed to be happy and learn what I came to the art for.
A Change in Teachers
I’ve had more teachers than I care to talk about. Each one taught me something different. I do wish my path had been smoother and I learned information in the correct order, but I learned a lot about resilience and seeking out answers because I was forced to.
I had spent most of my martial arts journey following my training partner from one teacher to another as he sought out what he needed to continue to grow without ever finding what I needed.
One of my friends, and my obstacle coach, offered for me to take class with his school while I waited for my teacher to reopen the dojo. I hoped on the chance because I didn’t want to keep waiting.
And I fell in love with what I was learning. While frustrating at times, I didn’t mind feeling like a white belt again. I was learning more self defense than I ever had in my years in the art.
Until he left.
That’s the story of my training. I get into a good groove with a teacher and something happens to make them stop. Injury, the need for them to gain more training, moving to a new state.
The Slow Decline
He left the class in good hands with the new instructor. I don’t want to fault my new teacher with my growing dissatisfaction with classes. He did hold a small part in it only in a politics kind of way.
But I was forced to teach. Because of my rank and time in the art, it is expected that I help out with classes. I don’t mind helping out, assisting, but what I do mind is being forced to teach classes without being asked or warned ahead of time.
And I was rarely warned that he wouldn’t be there ahead of time.
So I was stuck without a lesson plan, without warning, with a class of kids and their parents looking at me like I was stupid because I had no clue what was going on.
And I resented it. Especially because I drove so far to get there and support my teacher. I would spend the entire day before class dreading getting in my car and driving there.
I stuck it out for too long and it almost made me quit the art entirely. There was a lot of little politics going on behind the scenes that added to my frustrations, but it was never enough all at the same time to pinpoint “enough is enough.”
I know that on my journey there will be times where I don’t enjoy it, but it shouldn’t be actively dreading and hating.
So I quit the school. I did what was expected of me and I talked to my teacher about why I was leaving.
And I went back to my first training partner who was also one of my teachers on my path.
Finding Peace
My training partner and I have had lots of talks about what we want to work on and why. What structure we want to have with our classes. What we physically need to be working on outside of class to support our art (we both need to shed some extra weight and become more flexible).
And it’s made me fall in love with the art again. Even when I’m teaching something. Because it’s a collaboration between us. Neither of us wants to be the teacher, but rather, we both want to share our knowledge and get better.
And that makes the journey fun.
I don’t have to worry about if I’m going to have a class full of kids to teach without notice or be talked down at because I don’t want to test for my next rank. I just have to share my knowledge and learn.
And fall back in love with my martial arts journey.
